Entre Un Mundo y Otro

Mentally these last few weeks are turning out to be a strange endeavor. I've moved many times in my life, once with State Department help, most of the time on my own. But with the exception of going abroad for limited periods of time, I've always had a period of transition, usually by driving, with which to mentally prepare and get myself in the proper headspace for the new place.

This time is different.

Allow me to explain. Because I cannot allow more than three calendar days between my current federal job and A-100 (to keep the benefits that I've already accrued) I will be having my last day of work next Friday, flying to DC next Saturday, and starting A-100 the following Monday. This gives me exactly one day to get reoriented to the time-zone change (I'll be starting work at what feels like 6 AM for me) and a very different way of living from Ciudad Juarez. Some are the changes will be good, like the ability to walk, bike, and just generally live without a car. Some will be not so good, like the fact that I'll be away from my spouse for who knows how long. But it very much will be different.

So I'm trying techniques to get myself ready, like envisioning my life in my new apartment and planning my commute to work. The only problem with this is that at the same time I'm trying to remain pretty fully engaged here in CJ. It's a jarring dissonance that everyone has in the Foreign Service, and I think it's one of the reasons that officers are mandated weeks and weeks of home leave before their transition from one post to another. It's almost as if Congress realized that people moving all over the world are going to tend to be workaholics and might just need to be told to take a few weeks to relax and transition.

But the first move, the move to join the service, is not like that. And so while I'm wondering about my future classmates and my route to work in two weeks, I'm also Fourth of July, one last Mexico trip, and CJ despedida (farewell) planning. And if you've ever worked a Fourth of July party in the Foreign Service, it's no joke. Not to mention the necessity of training my replacement in EVERYTHING I KNOW. So, my future classmates, if I seem a bit distracted those first few days of class, I apologize. My head (and my heart) may still be in Juarez. 

La Ultima Ves

The last month is always the worst. When the time draws near to leaving a place that I've lived for an extended period of time, there's a couple of warring instincts that alway arise within me. First, there's the strong sense of denial; the feeling that there's no reason to rush and that inertia will carry us through the end.  There's also that ambivalent feeling on whether to invest time and energy on new friends, new experiences, and new plans in the current place. And then there's the temptation to start saying goodbye.

I had planned on delaying the farewells to people until the last possible moment. But really, what is the last possible moment when you only see some people once a month or less. How does one say to a friend, a tailor, a shopkeeper, a favorite waiter at a restaurant: I'm leaving, and I don't know if I will ever see you again. So this will be the month of farewells. I will be constantly wondering if this will be the last time that I eat at my favorite burrito stand or see a movie at the VIP theater.  

Though I haven't scheduled my pack-out yet, I'm already planning my last weeks here. Going to see a few last baseball games since they only cost 50 pesos. Planning a trip to go see those New Mexico wineries that people always said I should go to. And I have to go the tailor to get my suits ready for training. There are last minute souvenirs to get, and farewell dinners to plan. 

This is the career we've chosen. Every two or three years we're going to be leaving a new place. There's no getting around the summers of goodbyes. But for every goodbye, there's a hello. For that, I am thankful. And hopefully, some of those goodbyes are going to be hasta la proxima ves, not adios.

New Beginnings

It seems cliche to say that no one really knows where the world will take them. But in my case, this saying is absolutely true. I've decided to start this blog to talk about my life, my travels, and my thoughts.  I'm beginning writing at a time of transition. I've been trying for 9 years to join the U.S. Foreign Service, and today is the day that I finally got the offer to join an orientation class. Oh internets!  I cannot promise you that I will always be able to tell you what I'm doing or be entirely frank about how much I hate/love X about the people in Y country, as the State Department is pretty strict about these sorts of things, but I will try to make this blog something worth reading.

I think I'll probably end up writing some retrospective posts introducing myself over the next little while, but the short story is this: I'm in my late 20s, currently working at the U.S. Consulate in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico... one of the most dangerous cities in the world, right across the border from El Paso, Texas... one of the "safest" cities in the U.S. I'm here because my spouse is also a diplomat serving a tour here to fulfill the State Department's requirement that an entry-level officer work for a time doing visa/consular work. Before coming here I worked in D.C. at the State Department and the Department of Labor. Before joining the Foreign Service, I developed budgets, catalogued letters from Saul Bellow's mistresses, audited and paid millions of dollars of freight bills weekly for a major tech company, researched the development of democracy in colonial possessions, learned Ottoman (a dead language), fell in love with transportation planning, and married the love of my life, who I met while studying abroad in Morocco. And more. 

And so, I'm happy to finally put this disclaimer on my blog and join the growing ranks of FSO (Foreign Service Officer) bloggers. May I not disappear:

The views expressed in this blog are those of the authors and not those of the U.S. government of any agency or department of that government.